Disobedience

DISOBEDIENCE

by Naomi Alderman


Nominations: Dublin Longlist 2008, Women’s Prize Longlist 2006


Date Read: July 20, 2023


In Disobedience, Alderman explores how a lesbian can exist in an Orthodox Jewish community. Can a woman be both a lesbian and a Jew? Would God be angry? Would the community? As it turns out, and as is most often the case, God is more forgiving than humankind.

 

Esti is married to Dovid who is the heir apparent to a small, local synagogue in England. With the Rav elderly and in ill health, the time for Dovid to step up is quickly approaching. Dovid, however, is a quiet man who suffers debilitating headaches (migraines?) and has no desire to lead a congregation. The other impediment is his wife, Esti.

 

The entire community knows about Esti, particularly her relationship with Ronit. Esti and Ronit were besties in their youth and their friendship wandered into a sexual relationship and both realized that they were gay. Or bisexual at the very least. In such a tight-knit community, everyone knew what was going on. To make matters worse, Ronit is the daughter of the Rav.

 

When the Rav does indeed die, the community is in an upheaval trying to plan the funeral and his succession. Ronit had escaped what she considered an oppressive lifestyle to move to New York seeking freedom and independence. With her father’s passing, she returns to England and all the old gossip and feelings for Esti rise to the surface.

 

The most compelling part of this novel for me was the relationship between Dovid and Esti. When Esti finally discusses with Dovid him catching her and Ronit in bed together, Dovid admits that he had always known Esti was a lesbian. He just thought that through marriage he could offer her protection. The kindness and non-judgement from him is living compassion. He accepts her no matter what. And Esti decides to remain in her marriage, shelving that other part of herself for the time being.

 

Ronit’s understanding of herself and her past is more complicated. She wants so much to be an independent and successful woman but when she returns to England for her father’s funeral, her life in New York somewhat implodes. She had been having an affair with her married boss and because he ends their relationship over the phone, he also ends her employment. And Ronit realizes that her Jewish faith she had hoped to leave behind is more a part of who she is than she had realized. While she realizes she doesn’t need to practice to the extreme of the community she left behind, she can approach God on her own terms.

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