The Amateur Marriage

THE AMATEUR MARRIAGE

by Anne Tyler

 

Nominations: Dublin Longlist 2006, Women's Prize Longlist 2004

 

Date Read: May 25, 2022

 

The Amateur Marriage is indeed about a marriage but one that is more conflicted than smooth sailing. While Michael and Pauline love each other, they rock each other’s last nerve resulting in a tumultuous relationship that scars those around them. Pauline thinks it’s kind of funny in retrospect. Michael very much does not.

 

Michael and Pauline meet by coincidence just before the outbreak of WWII. Their courtship was brief, as dictated by the times, and Pauline is enthralled with the danger that lies ahead for Michael on the front. Of course, Michael had no intention of enlisting but rides that wave of pressure until he actually ships out. Fortunately, he’s injured during basic training and never has to endure real combat.

 

Without admitting it to each other, they are both getting cold feet about actually getting married but they both ride that wave until they’re walking down the altar. Three children shortly follow.

 

In most ways, they have a typical marriage but not one I could endure. I know people like Pauline who take everything you say and turn it personal, even compliments can be the source of a fight. There’s just no winning. So Michael often finds himself retreating. On their 30th wedding anniversary, when Pauline and Michael are recounting some of their married life to their children, every remembrance is of a fight. “Remember the time you threw…,” “Remember the time you stormed out when…” Again, Pauline thinks it’s funny. Michael and their children are horrified. So once they are alone, they get into it again and Pauline asks why don’t you just leave then? And for the first time, Michael walks out the door, never to return.

 

While Michael is able to find love gain and Pauline learns somewhat to stand on her own two feet, they always carry each other in their hearts. As the years pass, Michael has a difficult time pinpointing what was so unbearable. And we know Pauline has never stopped loving Michael. Everyone has a hard time letting go of their first love, especially if you were married to that love for 30 years. 

 

This novel touched me in so many ways. Two people who just want to give and receive love are just incapable of making it work in the end. I felt compassion for both of these characters and relief that my marriage is nothing like theirs. Overall, another excellent work from Tyler.

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