Say Say Say

SAY SAY SAY

by Lila Savage

 

Nomination: LA Times Finalist 2019

 

Date Read: January 12, 2022

 

Say Say Say really touched home because I take care of a mentally disabled family member. Jill’s odd behavior (stirring a hair brush in a glass of water, playing in the sink, folding and refolding towels) is as pointless and mysterious and my family member’s odd, but different, behavior. What Savage so clearly conveys is the intimacy that occurs when a stranger comes to take care of a loved one. Wanted or not, they become like family, shouldering your burden right along beside you.

 

Jill, a once fresh-eyed and active social worker, now spends her days muttering incoherently, crying and amusing herself in various mildly destructive ways. A car accident, the details of which are never fully disclosed, rendered her alive but severely impaired. Her husband, Bryn, has remained by her side throughout but the toll this is taking is clear to see. Jill requires constant supervision, meaning Bryn has no time for himself, for work, hobbies, or just leaving the house alone to go buy groceries.

 

Ella enters their lives at just the right moment. Unlike a lot of caregivers, she gives so much of herself, always wondering if she could be doing more. I came to see that her work isn’t just physical – keep Jill from hurting herself, wandering off, keep her as clean as you can – but also emotional. Any normal human being can’t help but care about the family. What makes extraordinary is her honesty and constantly asking herself if she can offer more.

 

Ella has a stable relationship at home with her live-in girlfriend Alex, a fellow artist an support system for Ella’s work. This deep well Ella can draw from helps her to keep her two worlds separate, providing a much needed break from the emotional pit of Jill’s need. The conundrum that Ella finds herself in is all too familiar to me: how to respect the disabled person’s wants and personhood while asserting power and an understanding that you are the adult in the room. The decisions that must be made – like when to enter Jill into a care facility – are so difficult to make and these decisions are never black and white.

 

While so much of this touched me, I still felt Savage could have gone deeper. I found Ella’s self questioning repetitive, somewhat annoying and slightly self-involved. One critic stated that this could have made a great short-story and I would second that motion.

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