Mom Kills Kids & Self

MOM KILLS KIDS & SELF

by Alan Saperstein

 

Award: PEN/Hemingway Winner 1980

 

Nomination: National Book Finalist 1980

 

Date Read: December 31, 2021

 

I will never understand why people hide from each other, particularly spouses. Wouldn’t you want someone to hear your doubts, frustrations, truths? You are, after all, allegedly spending a lifetime together. Acting like strangers is maybe easier, but so much more lonely.

 

This is essentially at the heart of Mom Kills Kids & Self. Only after the Wife (do we ever really learn her name or is she every wife?) is dead does the Husband fully understand her desires, frustrations, struggles, and losses. Through such a desperate act, he can acknowledge all she had given up and how little she had gained in assuming the role of wife and mother, in particular a stay at home wife and the mother of a developmentally challenged child with gender dysphoria.

 

They never talk about the violation by the Sophomore, who comes to their house and takes a flirtation to a sexual assault, just shy of rape. The only reason the Husband knows about this is because his mother told him after the Wife confided in her. They never speak about it to each other. They never lean on each other for support. And as horrifying as this experience was, one of the secret bags the Husband finds in her drawer after her death is a creepy bouquet the Sophomore made for her all those years ago.

 

This marriage began in true love and with each passing year, their motto seemed to become don’t dig too deep, don’t divulge anything negative, don’t talk about your heart’s desires, don’t be real with each other. Love can’t grow or continue to thrive in a vacuum. 

 

Ultimately, Saperstein is attempting to argue that the role of Woman is unjust. The expectation that women will quit whatever work they have studied for to become wives and mothers keeps women imprisoned in the home. A lot has changed in the last 40 years since this book was written but the majority of domestic work still falls on women’s shoulders regardless of whether they work outside the home or in. The quickest way to invisibility is to get married. I, however, have had the opposite experience but I feel like I am the minority.

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