What Was She Thinking?

WHAT WAS SHE THINKING?
by Zoe Heller

Nomination: Booker Finalist 2003, Orange Prize Longlist 2004

Date Read: August 12, 2019

I'm honestly surprised this won a Booker nod, since it reads like a tabloid story. First, and it goes without saying, Sheba is a rapist,  double standards not withstanding. Any man who would seduce a 15 year old student would be accused of rape and the same applies here. While Sheba's affair with her student, some may argue, is the gist of this novel, I found the character of Barbara to be much more compelling.

Barbara makes a perfect teacher, since she relishes control, attention and is the most meddling loner there is. (The early story of her criticizing a fellow teacher and how she must abhor her own bodily functions since she wears panty liners every day and buries  them at the bottom of the trash can told me quite a bit. How the hell would she know that unless she dug through the trash. Ew!) She enjoys bestowing tidy judgements about everyone, but never herself. She dismisses many of her own shortcomings but is never able to extend that magnanimity to others. In the end, she achieves exactly what her heart desires - to be necessary and needed.

In the early part of this novel, I felt sorry for Sheba, with her naive excitement to teach and having those hopes so quickly dashed. Her behavior is inexcusable and, I daresay, the affair she embarks on with Connolly isn't all that believable. If he were a caring, bookish sort with insight beyond his years, perhaps. But, he's more of a brute with not much charm. I couldn't fully buy the affair. Proceeding blindly without thinking of the consequences or of everything she had to lose I totally bought. But just not with this kid.

Connolly seems to have no understanding of the risks posed for Sheba, nor do I believe he cares. She is risking her entire life and for what? To feel special for twenty minutes? To try and forge a life with a kid that is more than half her age? She never once seems to consider her family.

Finally, there's Polly. She is self-centered and completely out of control and her parents seem to indulge her more and more the more she careens off the rails. They never truly try to connect with her or rein her in. I found that throughout, Richard and Sheba gave her all the power and boy, did she run with it!